I was in the right place only at the wrong time. An outdoor dance concert couldn’t help but bring up punishing thoughts about the Nova Festival. Actually I’m not sure there will ever again be a “right” time after October 7.
In the mix of a St Pete spring night, the music of The Black Honkeys, who my friend Billy Summers (guitarist on far left— coolest guy) plays with, filled the air. I was surrounded by people dancing to “get on your feet and move” energy. I wished Sam was with me but was kind of relieved that he wasn’t, for a couple of reasons. First, it was already 9:30 pm and Sam is always on a super early schedule. Like 3AM wake-up. 4 if he sleeps in.
I also had my antennas up for “misbehavior” of the sort that’s been popping up all over the place. Only last week a performer at one of our local theaters had ended her appearance onstage with a dramatic reveal of the palestinian flag. She had been warned earlier about closing her playbill bio with “free palestine,” which the theater ultimately did nothing about, but this time she was fired.
So like many of you perhaps, or perhaps not (though I’m not imagining this. So many Jews in America are having similar experiences), I was waiting for a similar public display of what frankly amounts to antisemitism.
Billy’s performance en plen aire and the behavior of the crowd were mercifully incident free.
Sam of course stayed home, and awake, all the way until 9:15 (!). But this morning he wistfully said it would have had fun…..
Fun……hmmmm…….
Yes it was fun to feel the music. It was fun to have the music drown out everything else. It was fun to feel the sound waves physically and to be surrounded by people sharing those same sensations. The music insistently first and foremost.
So why I ask you, did I immediately unequivocally blurt out, Oh no it could have been terrible!
The whole time my “Jewish antennae” were on high alert. I felt safe (or as safe as any sane human can feel in a crowd in a country where people can and do carry concealed guns).
I carefully listened for any political messaging. I waited half expecting it and more than wholly dreading any reference to Gaza or the misunderstood concepts of “peace” and “ceasefire.”
I am happy to report that it was politically uneventful. I was relieved. But here’s what I actually felt while moving with the music…..the pitch perfect music. In the words of Dr. John, whose music they were performing,
“I been in the right world but it seems wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong”
In the ambient sounds of a rock and roll concert my un-amplified voice was drowned out.
From a deep place within my being my voice emerged and I chanted and screamed
F…you Hamas
F…you Hamas
F…you Hamas
I felt total, unequivocal empathy for the humans who were slaughtered at the Nova Festival. For the people of all ages who had gathered in peace, in song and movement to celebrate. For the world of each person who was murdered or wounded. For each person in their orbit. For the total tragedy of each life suddenly irreversibly unfinished but now ended.
I shared this with Sam and I’m sharing it with you. Wherever I go I’m a little bit broken.
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